


Letter From A Boy, You Don’t Know Anymore

by reids_jello



Series: Love letters [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Broken Promises, Falling Out of Love, Felix has a lot of unanswered questions, Jealous Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, Love Letters, M/M, POV Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Sweet Seo Changbin, broken hearted, but it seems like he was just a rebound, felix is in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:06:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21814150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reids_jello/pseuds/reids_jello
Summary: Changbin, can we please go back to the night when I realized you were the one? The night you kissed me sweeter than ever. The night I felt like I actually belonged somewhere and with someone. Can we go back to the ‘before’.  Before you realized I wasn’t the one for you?
Relationships: Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, seo changbin/ anon
Series: Love letters [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1577299
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	Letter From A Boy, You Don’t Know Anymore

Dear Changbin, 

I have so many questions you left unanswered. 

For starters, why has it been two months after everything? Yet, I still can’t stop thinking of the night we danced and held hands? Do I like the feeling the despair this much or does my heart just feels that vacant without you in it? 

My mind always finds the trail back to that night.

You and I were just so happy, but that clearly didn’t last long enough. I begin to wonder if it was only that night you felt like that...Was it?Did the mix of pot and Hyunjins Vodka sweat encourage how you pretended to feel? Or just add to the scene, I wonder.

Did the loud music and dim lights which ‘shined perfectly on my beautiful skin’ as you told me to keep the false illusion, that you wanted me going? I continue to speculate if it was just that night, that you felt like that. But, somehow you lied to yourself into making it last longer and eventually you just couldn’t keep up with the act? 

I wish you could have seen the glow on your face when you asked me to kiss you while I was in your lap. I wanted to so badly. 

To the point that I could barely even look at you. But, then I did. Changbin I did! You smiled so wide at my sweet lips and said how you felt sparks which you never felt before… not with anyone else. Was that true? Or were you just saying that so that you could forget about the one that came before us?  
I felt them too… the sparks that is. And I’m not sure if I ever told you that? But I did. Now I have to ask myself what I did to your sparks that you claimed to feed. Did I damage them? Why couldn’t I fix them? I tried to mend them back together but you wouldn’t let me. Not even with all the gauze and bandages in the world, would you let me. You shut me out after that. So what was I left to do besides ask why. 

I just wish you were here with your arms still around me like they were before. When we were in the back of Jisung’s mother's car. She had just picked us all up from the party and we were on our way to get pancakes since Jisung has talked about a stack of blueberry all night long. I wish I could feel as relaxed as I did when your fingertips danced on my velvety shoulder as I rested my head against your chest. I want to go back. I want to go back to that so badly. I wouldn’t do anything differently in that moment, even if I knew how it ended. Because for that second I felt like I was supposed to be there. Content, completely and entirely. Something I never have been in my whole fucking life. 

So tell me Changbin, what did it do for you to go back to the person who hurt you the most? Are you just a sadist who likes to bask in pain and hurt and pass it on to everyone around you? Is sorrow and suffering that beautiful to you that you want to spread it as far as you can? Like some sort of plague. 

I don’t think I’ll when you told me you wanted to show me what a good relationship was and that you were going to treat me better than everyone else in my past, but you didn’t follow through with that; Do you ever think about it? Or me? I believed you when you spoke those words… why did I have blinding faith in you and that you wouldn’t lie to me like everyone fucking else had.

I guess I was just lucky you were a nice guy. You might have broke my heart but not my bones or bruised my skin, so In that aspect I am fortunate.

Not to mention it’s been weeks since I’ve seen you, let alone talk to you or even dare to look at you! I’m just too busy being reminded of what we could of been. At 3am when I’m in my bed, tears threatening to spill while I’m looking at your Instagram for the seventh time tonight wishing I was him. Wishing I was the person you always run back too. Doing the things we did with him… or is the other way around? You did the things with me that you did with him…. Changbin? 

Can you at least say that you’re happy? That’s all I need to hear. You deserve it. 

But at the end of the day I will still have questions that will linger in my head unanswered. Like, what ruined it? What went wrong? What was going through your head when you asked for a ‘break’? were you talking to your ex all along? Or when you told me you were in love with me and you just needed time to be a good boyfriend… did you mean that? Did I just ruined it that day that I was upset and ran away from you? Is it my fault for not leaning into your touch? Maybe it is. The blame normally does fall on me anyways. 

But tell me this, Am I a fool for thinking we could have been something. You gave me hope and as much as I want to blame it all on timing. There is no such thing as bad timing, or ‘right person wrong time’ but maybe there is. Maybe we should have just waited a little bit before you called me your boyfriend. Jisung told me over and over to wait a while and I acted on impulse, as I always do. 

Besides, You and I just got out of abusive relationships so we came together. An I’m sure it didn’t help that I’ve been In love with you for years. You said you had been too. Was that all apart of the plan? Did you compile these perfect scripts knowing exactly how'd they break me or was it just your own ignorance?

What else to have to blame on the failure of us except all these unanswered questions. Will I ever get an answer? Or will they continue to patter about in my mind until my body starts to deteriorate. Will by bones age and become rickety, cracking when I stand before I forget? Will my brain have to soften for me to neglect the thought of you? Probably considering how we stand right now. This is such an empty hopeless feeling. Although I’m not against it, I almost welcome it;

Changbin, I hope you aren’t feeling this heartache which is drowned in a Melancholy sorrow because, no matter how much you hurt me or meant to.

I Still believe that you deserve the universe and so much more. I love you. Thank you for letting me love you even if you only returned it for a night. 

I wish I could feel you smiling against my lips one more time. just please smile for me… even if I won’t ever see that lovely crooked smirk again. I love you. 

Sincerely and lovingly 

from the boy you no longer know, 

Lee Felix 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if this is badly written, it was kind of a vent plus I like the scattered thought style. If you liked it please leave feedback and kudos!
> 
> Have a great day or night! <3


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